Sandeep Gupta is a professionally certified coach, a chartered accountant, and a CPA. He is passionate about helping people live a meaningful and fulfilled life focusing on high achievers with his 8-week programme - Explore, Evolve & Emerge. Here, he discusses the one critical skill for progress, growth and fulfilment in life.
Would we keep running the software on our computer without upgrading it? The likely response is a “no”. And if we are a high achiever, the upgrade will likely be sooner than later.
How about the software that is running you? When was it last upgraded?
The trajectory of our lives today is a result of our thoughts, decisions, and actions. Well, not 100%, for there is a lot that happens in life beyond our control. But the part that can be controlled is sufficient to significantly influence how successful we are and how fulfilled we feel about life.
This is the domain of self-awareness. How we operate is unique to us. The same event evokes different responses in different people. Understanding how various events affect us, how we respond, what is the reason for this, is crucial to progress rapidly in life, grow and be more fulfilled in life.
In this article we will use an example to understand what self-awareness is and the many pitfalls in attempting to become self-aware.
Understanding self-awareness and its importance in life
What makes our emotional state high or low? How are we triggered positively and negatively? How do we take certain decisions, and what holds us back from taking others? What makes us full of energy one day and low the next?
Self-awareness provides insights to these questions. Being aware of the rules under which we operate creates an understanding of what is working for us and what is not. Modifying these rules or replacing them with new rules with which we want to live our life is the upgrade we need to move forward in life.
As reported in HBR, research (1) by Tasha Eurich determined that while most people believe they are self-aware, it was estimated that only 10% - 15% actually are. One of the reasons for this appallingly low number is the difficulty in becoming self-aware (read the pitfalls below).
Self-awareness makes us better leaders, enables us to set more realistic goals, and aligns our actions with our decisions, values and strengths. It also reduces stress, enhances resilience, makes us more adaptable and leads to a more balanced and meaningful life.
Here's a hypothetical example to make this clear.
Imagine we have achieved the dream CXO role but after a couple of years, the initial pleasure has gone, leaving a feeling of emptiness. Self-awareness would mean an acceptance of the difference between success in a career and the internal feelings of emptiness. A realisation that having achieved the dream CXO role has led to a shift in values, which are no longer aligned with the career pathway. That a balanced life now requires time for family, spirituality, health and personal interests. What gives life meaning has shifted and there is a need to re-evaluate what matters more and adapt the lifestyle accordingly.
It's commonplace for high achievers to feel stuck, confused or in conflict about next steps. It's never too late to upskill and learn self-awareness. This will help to identify the source and align the values, actions, and strengths towards a new set of goals.
Pitfalls
Watch out for these pitfalls in the process of enhancing self-awareness:
- Lack of brutal honesty: Are we prepared to accept the bitter truths we will learn about ourselves? This is the toughest part of self-awareness. We know ourselves the best and nothing less than complete honesty with ourselves will help us move forward.
- Confirmation bias: Are we interpreting the data on ourselves to suit the way we want them to be? It is easy to interpret events to suit our perspective and reinforce our beliefs. This will not help in upgrading our software. An unbiased and objective view is essential.
- Judgment vs. acceptance: Are we constantly beating ourselves and using the lens of judgement rather than the lens of acceptance? Many of us are habitually rather harsh and blame ourselves for everything that goes wrong. This can lead to self-doubt and focus on negativity rather than just accepting who we are and focusing on our strengths.
- Overthinking paralysis: Are we caught up in a cycle of inaction through second-guessing yourself? Excessive focus on our actions, thoughts and possible reasons behind them may lead to paralysis by analysis.
- External validation: Are we seeking validation? When we are aware of our limitations it may be appealing to often rely on the opinion of others. This is counter to the purpose of self-awareness.
- Neglecting positivity: Do we ignore our positive aspects? Self-awareness is about deciphering who we truly are, what are our triggers, etc. As high achievers we tend to focus on what did not work out and ignore what we did well. It's important to recognise our strengths and sometimes this takes the form of praise from others.
Conclusion
We are all flawed, we all have negative and positive aspects. The perfection lies in imperfection, just like in nature. What triggers us and how we think and respond to these triggers is unique to all of us. Self-awareness is the first and most important step in upgrading our responses, thoughts and beliefs.
In the words of David Goggins – "The most important conversations you will ever have are the ones you will have with yourself".
Find out more about Sandeep here: sandeepcoach.com
1. https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it
