10 Ways to Break Free From the Cycle of Attracting the Wrong Kind of Partners

Stephen Nderitu Muiruri is the Founder and CEO of IRI Coaching in Seattle Washington, a Certified Professional Coach and Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner (ELI-MP) trained at the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) USA. He is a Transformational speaker and Relationship Coach who helps women overcome dating challenges and find lasting love. He is also an international keynote speaker at various mental health and women empowerment events. Stephen has over a decade of experience working with women in the communities as a behavior change and communications program officer and an advocate against gender-based violence. He is the creator of The I Am Factor program, a unique and proven method for helping women rediscover themselves, boost their self-esteem, and attract compatible partners. His mission in life is to promote healthy and fulfilling relationships, thriving families, and flourishing societies. Here, he talks about 10 ways to break free from the cycle of attracting the wrong kind of partners.

Are you tired of attracting the wrong kind of partners?

Do you find yourself in a cycle of relationships that never seem to work out? You're not alone. Most people struggle with finding the right partner, and it can be frustrating and disheartening. But there is hope. In this article, we will discuss how to break free from the cycle of attracting the wrong kind of partners. We will explore how cultivating self-awareness and self-worth through self-reflection, values assessments, and personal growth can help you find the right partner and build a healthy, fulfilling relationship. We will also provide practical tips and recommendations to help you put what you've learned into practice. Let's get started!

1. Find your attachment style

Your attachment style is the blueprint for partners you are attracted to and how you relate in your relationships. “Research has shown that the relationship you had with your caregivers as a child helps shape your attachment style.” There are four main attachment styles according to Psychology Today: secure, avoidant, anxious, and anxious-avoidant. Figure out your attachment style and reflect on how it influences the types of partners you are attracted to and discover the signs your earlier partners showed about their attachment style.

2. Explore times in the past when you've had similar feelings

Explore the initial feelings that come up when you realize you're dating someone unavailable. When else in your life have you felt the same feelings of confusion, shame, or rejection? Pay attention to how you're interpreting what this situation means about you (e.g., “I'm not good enough” or “I'm unlovable," etc.) and when this belief about yourself originally developed. According to Psychology Today, when we experience such beliefs, they are often shaped in childhood which influences the kind of partners we are drawn to.

3. Name the subconscious wound you are trying to heal

Often when people consciously want a long-term relationship, but keep attracting unavailable partners, Psychology Today informs us that there is usually a disconnect between their conscious desires and their subconscious beliefs. Find what you are subconsciously trying to heal from the past by attracting unavailable partners and work on your healing first.

4. Assess your values and your needs

According to Psych Alive, assessing your values and your needs can help you find what is important to you in a relationship. This can help you name what you want in a partner and what you don't want. You can use values assessments to identify your core values and how they align with your partner's values.

5. Focus on personal growth

Personal growth can help you become more self-aware and confident. You can focus on personal growth by setting goals, learning new skills, and engaging in activities that challenge you. Psych Alive says that this can help you build self-confidence and self-worth, which can help you attract the right kind of partner.

6. Name your deal-breakers

Find the qualities that you cannot tolerate in a partner. According to Psych Alive, this can help you avoid wasting your precious time by getting involved with someone who is not right for you.

7. Practice self-compassion

Self-compassionate people are less likely to be depressed, anxious, and stressed. Therefore, be kind to yourself and avoid self-blame. Recognize that you are not alone in your struggles and that it takes time and effort to break free from the cycle of attracting the wrong kind of partners.

8. Seek professional help

Consider seeking professional help from a therapist, a counselor, or a relationship coach. They can help you uncover patterns in your relationships and provide you with tools to break free from the cycle of attracting the wrong kind of partners.

9. Take a break from dating

Taking a break from dating can help you focus on yourself and your personal growth. This can help you build self-awareness and self-worth, which can help you attract the right kind of partner when you are ready to start dating again.

10. Be open to new experiences

Be open to new experiences and try new things. This can help you meet new people and expand your social circle. You may also discover new interests and hobbies that you enjoy.

To break free from the cycle of attracting the wrong kind of partners, it's important to cultivate self-awareness and self-worth, discover your attachment style and subconscious wounds, and assess your values. Celebrate your progress along the way and consider seeking professional help from a therapist/counselor or relationship coach if you are struggling.

Now that you have the tools to build healthy, fulfilling relationships, it's time to put what you've learned into practice. Be open to new experiences, focus on personal growth, and remember to be patient with yourself. Building healthy relationships takes time and effort, but it's worth it in the end.

You can find out more about Stephen here: https://iricoaching.org/