Tanya Larrain is a passionate and dedicated marriage transformation coach for women. With a firm belief that marriages are worth transforming, Tanya's mission is to guide and empower her clients to revitalize their love lives. She brings her expertise and joy of coaching to show women how to navigate the challenges and discover the keys to keeping their marriages alive. Tanya's unique approach includes strategies and techniques to bring back the happiness and excitement in their relationships, ensuring that her clients experience long-lasting and fulfilling partnerships. Her commitment to women thriving makes her a sought-after coach in the field of marriage transformation. Here, she talks about what she learnt from five years of coaching women who repaired their marriages.
We often hear that there is no magic spell able to fix a broken relationship and that the path to improving your love life when it needs repair is long and tortuous. But there is a single attitude you can adopt that will make drastic changes in little time: gratitude. Research has shown that practising gratitude daily can reduce anxiety, depression, and stress. But there are way more positives in adopting this mindset.
The benefits of practising gratitude in your relationship
Apart from the physical benefits, such as lowering your blood pressure and your breathing, as well as engaging your parasympathetic nervous system, gratitude can help you focus on your partner's positive sides, rather than the negative ones. This is fundamental to avoid useless fights and instead build warm memories you will cherish for life.
Embracing gratitude means starting to see your partner in a different light. It pushes you to notice all the little things that led you to fall in love, reminding you why you chose each other. This is why couples who actively focus on gratitude usually maintain a sense of connectedness even when they are apart, or when going through a rough patch.
Not by chance, science has proven that expressing gratitude releases oxytocin. Also known as the love hormone. This is the hormone playing a fundamental role in our bonding experiences, helping us create genuine connections with people.
Ok, this all sounds great, but how can we start embracing gratitude in our relationship?
How to adopt gratitude in your relationship?
1. Thank your partner for every act, even the small ones
Think about it. When was the last time you said ‘thank you' to your partner? After so many years, we may feel that these words have become insignificant, but this is never the case. Saying ‘thank you' is the easiest way to tell your partner that something they did, did not go unnoticed. The easiest way to show them that you appreciate their efforts, even if small. It's the easiest way to express gratitude. Even if they have been doing the dishes every single evening since you started dating. This doesn't mean they do not deserve a ‘thank you'.
2. See your partner in a different light
We often interpret the world around us according to the stories we tell ourselves. If every time you think of your spouse, you only see their negative qualities; these will be the only ones you will keep noticing. For instance, let's say you identify your partner as ‘lazy'. Chances are that if they begin to help you with the house chores, you will simply start thinking they still are not doing enough, rather than changing your opinion of them. If you find it hard to be grateful for your partner, start by analyzing the way you see them and check whether these attributes are still truly accurate.
3. Focus on your narrative
We often expect our partners to be perfect. They should be able to make us feel better when we are sad, they should always help around the house, and they should be great parents to our kids. Even though this is natural to a certain extent, it can also be toxic. The truth is that we don't expect this much from anyone else. Accepting the fact that your partner is not perfect is essential. You can do so by simply focusing on what they do right, rather than what they do wrong. Creating a culture of understanding is a must if you want your relationship to endure the challenges life throws your way.
4. Keep a gratitude journal
Here is a practical tip. Buy a journal and write down three things for which you're grateful every night, before going to sleep. Whether your partner watered the plants, complimented you, or let you choose the music on your way to dinner, simply write it down. In the beginning, it may feel difficult, but with time it will become easier and easier. The simple act of writing things in a notebook helps us focus on the present rather than making us feel remorseful about the past and anxious about the future.
5. Show your love
Buy little presents, leave thank you notes around the house, spend some time cooking a nice romantic dinner… the options are endless. These small actions will not only remind your partner you love them but also help you feel more grateful for your love.
Conclusion
In reflecting on five years of coaching women who sought to repair their marriages, a profound lesson emerges: gratitude holds transformative power. Most people think gratitude is something we're born with - an inherited trait only the lucky ones possess. But this is not true. Gratitude is a skill we can all learn to enhance our relationships. So, make it a habit to stop a few times throughout your day to practice this powerful skill. Sometimes, two minutes spent writing down a lovely note, noticing something nice your partner did, or simply saying ‘thank you', can truly change your day and theirs.
Find out more about Tanya here tanyalarrain.com.
