Could not having enough ego be holding you back in life?

We have all heard of the term ‘ego' but for many it is often misunderstood. We mainly hear this in a negative context, where people with too much ego damage their relationships with an unfavourable reputation. But what about not having enough ego? Here, Lisa Turner, founder of mindset training provider CETfreedom delves into how important your ego is for success.

Ego relates to a person's self worth and this can be high or low, and not having enough ego can quickly hold you back, particularly due to a fear of failure.  Sometimes people who have a low ego and low self-esteem can actually come across as very egotistical in an attempt to compensate for their feelings of inadequacy. They may brag, boast or exaggerate their achievements. 

A low ego and low self-esteem are often associated with a fixed rather than a growth mindset. A growth mindset, coined by psychologist Carol Dweck, describes the belief that abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work. Whereas a fixed mindset assumes that these traits are static and unchangeable. Individuals with a growth mindset will likely also have a healthy ego and approach to challenges. 

Having a healthy ego is one based on a positive self-worth and balanced by humility in areas where we lack skills but are working towards developing them if desired.  

What are the dangers of a low ego? 

- Stops you connecting with a partner - A low ego may cause you to feel unworthy of love, fear rejection, and struggle to express your needs, desires and even the love you feel for another.  

- Stops you having a relationship with friends - A low ego can cause you to be passive and fail to assert opinions or choices. You may hesitate to reach out or plan activities due to fear of rejection or of being a burden.

- Stops you interacting with your colleagues - Fear of judgement or criticism can stop you from speaking up in meetings or contributing your ideas. It can hinder collaboration and negatively impact team dynamics. 

-Stopping you from reaching your career goals - Low ego will discourage you from applying for promotions, accepting greater responsibilities and taking the initiative due to fear of failure and doubting your abilities and skills. 

- Stops you from finding your purpose  - A low ego can prevent you from imagining your true worth, value and purpose in this lifetime. If you believe deep down you have little of value to contribute, you will likely settle for whatever you can get and may never dream or create a vision for a higher purpose. Without vision, there is no action or experimentation, and you are forced to settle. 

So how do we create a healthy ego?  

Strengthening and developing a healthy ego starts with self awareness to know that you need to strengthen your ego and self-esteem. This can be uncomfortable, especially if you have been trying to hide your lack of self-esteem behind egoic behaviour. So find a trusted advisor, mentor or coach to support you through this journey.

A good coach will help you find your unconscious limiting beliefs and use effective tools, such as Conscious Emotional Transformation to remove them. 

Use post-traumatic growth to expand your nervous system and install new beliefs, behaviours and patterns. 

Start to learn new things. Take up a hobby where the stakes are low so you feel safe to fail and then learn through those failures. This will start to install a growth mindset.

Practise supporting, complimenting and boosting other people. This is a powerful way to make yourself feel good and others at the same time. Do it without any expectation, they will return compliments and be genuine in your praise. 

Cultivate emotional resilience, by accepting that all emotions are useful and nothing more than information letting you know that there might be some inner work to do.

At the end of every day, list all the things you achieved and celebrate these. Also, list anything that you don't feel you succeeded at, and journal what you learned from this.